Gomenasai
by Ninada
Summary: "Yes, he was indeed my friend. At least... One day, he was.." One-shot! R&R. #Gomenasai means I'm so sorry#


**A/N:**** I do not own Detective Conan/Case Closed, Gosho Aoyama is the real owner. Here is another One-shot fic based on a song. I hope you like and enjoy it. You may think now.. "This is the one who said she won't write anything soon. And I would like to reply and say- I don't know but I couldn't keep away from writing! XD". I think I got addicted or something. Anyway, please review if you enjoyed it a bit. ^_^**

**_- Flashbacks are between those -0-...-0-_**

**_- Gomenasai = I'm so sorry._**

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><p><strong><span>Gomenasai<span>**

.

_What I thought wasn't mine_

_In the light_

_Was a one of a kind,_

_A precious pearl._

The Black Syndicate is still out there. We; I mean I, and Kudo-kun are still hiding out our true identities from everyone around. Still, going out to school. still, walking around in those diminutive bodies ever since six years. We are now growing in our fake bodies, living another childhood. . .Or should we say, getting to another teenage time. We are close to surpass our past real ages when we had shrunk. And I cannot do anything about it. I tried so much with all my effort to work on the hopeful long-awaited antidote. . But it never came out, unfortunately. The information I had about the damn Apotoxin I have made is not enough for me, and my memory won't try to help me recall the complicated chemical compounds and equations. I closed my eyes, trying to brush off the terrible reminiscence of our dreadful confrontation. It was just too hard for me to demolish all his hopes down on earth like that. But it was the real truth. I couldn't bear to give him another false hope to cling on just to see that sweet assuring smile on his lips which I have admired.

I just couldn't.

_When I wanted to cry,_

_I couldn't cause I.._

_Wasn't allowed._

His hope on returning back to his beloved Mouri Ran; it was so hard for me to break away his heart in that way while he was the best of a friend to me. However, I had no choice. Every time I look at him, I just regret ever making such an awful poison. I know I didn't make it on my own and I know he also does realize that fact or that's at least what I think. Because if he still thinks that I was not forced or my circumstances did not push me to do whatever I did, I would never understand why he would ever ve me once his assuring smile or his heroic rescues or even his cocky retorts. He was someone, who grew closer to me by the flow of days. He was the one who melted my ice barrier down. Yes, he was truly my friend. I couldn't have imagined that he would consider me as one, but he surprised me as he has always done and did so.

At least, one day he _was_.

_Gomenasai for everything_

_Gomenasai, I know I let you down_

_Gomenasai till the end_

_I never needed a friend_

_Like I do now._

**-0-**

"Say. . .Haibara, What did you want to talk about when you said you wanted to talk to me privately?" Conan asked, looking at the auburn girl sitting opposite to him. His eyes were boring into hers with mild curiosity.

"I-"

"Ohh, don't tell me the Ice Queen, Ai Haibara has fallen in love already. You didn't, did you?" He grinned airily at his thought, taking another sip of the glass of orange juice before him.

He just made it harder for her to say.

Nevertheless, she had to.

She could not back off right now. He had already waited too much and she had already lied too much for her to bear.

"Kudo-kun,"

Conan stopped his airiness abruptly, gazing at her earnest tone even devoid of her trademark sarcasm. He gulped, watching her nervous attitude and her crackling knuckles.

"What is it?" He tried to sound calm.

"..."

She opened her mouth. Yet, no words came out but instead there were hissing stutters which cannot be audible even with a loud speaker.

"Is it something about the Syndicate? Did you spot anybody of them recently?" His words came out speedily, too much for her to take. She blinked rehearsing his words back in her mind.

"N-No. It's not something like that."

"Then what is it, Haibara? Talk." His voice became a little louder. Anxiety is quite clear in his tone.

"I-I am sorry, Kudo-kun." She finally, spoke up.

"Eh? What are you talking about?" He frowned, not totally getting what she was actually pointing to.

"I couldn't make it.." She paused.

"I can't make the cure for APTX." She took a deep breath, not able to look him in the eyes. It would be too hurtful to see his expression right now so she kept her gaze down on her lap, not really knowing what to say or do next.

"What do you mean by that?" His unsteady voice was enough for her to know the current expression on his eyes. She looked up at him. Although she expected that kind of reaction, she blinked startlingly taken aback by the cold stare on his azure eyes.

She took a deep breath.

"I mean that I can't find a permanent cure for our shrunken forms." She stated, trying to keep her voice cohesive but it came more to a whisper.

"The information in my hands were not suffice for an actual antidote because the chemical-"

"I don't care about the chemical damn thing you are talking about. It is your bloody fault. So are you saying that I will not be able to get back to myself ever again?"

Her eyes widened.

Guilt was overwhelming.

He is awestruck.

She blinked, gulped then nodded.

"What about Ran? She is waiting for me! For God's sake, I did confess to her!" He continued speaking up, hysterically.

She lowered her gaze, feeling torn apart by his outburst. She did know that this would happen. Yet, why is she feeling that hurt?

He will be okay after some time . . . right?

The question is. . . How long will this time take?

**-0-**

Haibara opened her eyes, abruptly. Looking around, She stopped panting eventually, holding her ruffled hair on her forehead back up. It was that dream again? To be exact; that reminiscence.

She held up the cell phone which was settled on the bedside table beside her. Taking a glance at the wall paper, she smiled faintly as she spotted her, and Conan having their sharing bored expression whilst being pulled by Mitsuhiku, Ayumi and Genta airily. She looked at the unused names in her Contact list.

Seeing the name, Edogawa/Kudou brought unknown tears in her eyes.

_When I wanted to call you_

_And ask you for help_

_I stopped myself._

**-0-**

"And why would I like to help you in such a boring case, anyway?"

"Because…"

"Because we are friends, and partners, Haibara. Isn't that enough?" She smiled tenderly at him, then nodded briefly turning on her heels with him.

**-0-**

_Gomenasai for everything_

_Gomenasai, I know I let you down_

_Gomenasai till the end_

_I never needed a friend_

_Like I do now.._

**-0-**

"Ehh? Look at Conan-kun.. Why isn't he talking with Ai-chan today?" Ayumi whispered in Mitsuhiku's and Genta's ears.

"Yeah... That's weird. They are not even arguing like they used to do every day." Mitsuhiku rubbed his chin thoughtfully.

"I have noticed that they don't even look at each other!" Genta added.

"Is it a new case to our Detective Boys group?" He asked, excitedly.

"But Conan-kun and Ai-chan are not with us. How can it be without them?" Ayumi stated sadly.

"How would they be with us if the case is already about them, Ayumi-chan?" Mitsuhiku asked incredulously.

"But look... Oh, they are even ignoring us now. It's like our Detective Boys group has been broken." She wept, tears threatening to fall from her eyes while staring at Conan who was looking blankly at the book in his hand. She had never spotted him in that cold demeanor. And she admitted she hated that face of him.

"I guess it is so, Ayumi-chan." He replied, his gaze lowering to the ground sadly as he looked at Haibara's fortified turquoise eyes.

**-0-**

_What I thought was a dream_

_A mirage_

_Was as real as it seemed_

_A privilege._

She regretted it. Ai regretted the moment when she decided to tell him the truth. She wished that she could turn back the time just to give him a little shaft of hope if that's what it keeps him to befriend her. She wouldn't have done that stupid step, and confronted him with the appalling reality. If it weren't for that step, she would have lived another hopeful childhood with him. But some people are just devoid of luck like her.

_When I wanted to tell you_

_I made a mistake_

_I walked away.._

With all that in her heart, she just let her brain lead her this time. She couldn't talk to him once more. The look in his eyes kept her away a thousand miles as though she did not know him and never has. Guilt and pain was the only feeling she could feel when looking up at his blue eyes. After the fact that she had always found warmth and secure in those eyes. Those same eyes brought down on her a cold shudder. Yet, she has never deleted his number from her cell phone and never thought of doing so. Maybe. . . Just maybe someday, things can be fixed up, and life would stop throwing lemons on her face.

_Gomenasai, for everything_.

_Gomenasai, Gomenasai, Gomenasai_

_I never needed a friend,_

_Like I do now._

And now she held the phone much tighter, getting it nearer to her eyes in the darkness. She found herself pushing the button _'Call'_ under the name Edogawa/Kudou.

And the beeping sound of the phone resonated as she held it closely to her ears.

Her hands shaking.

And sweating, behind the phone.

_Gomenasai, I let you down_

_Gomenasai, Gomenasai,_

_Gomenasai till the end_

_I never needed a friend_...

"Hello—"

_'End phone call.'_

_To hear his voice once again..._

"—Haibara?"

_Was her only way..._

_To get a peaceful sleep._

_..Like I do now..._

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><p><strong>.The End<em>.<em>**

.

**Please Review, Shall you?**


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